Suggestions for Teachers

If you are a teacher committed to supporting a grieving student, it is important to look at your own experiences with grief and loss. Examining your attitudes about suicide is also imperative, as those feelings and beliefs will be transmitted to your students. Because of the stigma of suicide, children need their teachers to be compassionate and understanding. You may not have encountered an experience like this before, and you may find that talking about it isn’t easy. That’s O.K. Our culture as a whole doesn’t talk much about death or dying. Trust yourself to rely on your skills and concern for children to see you through this challenging time. What your student will need most is someone to listen if he feels like talking. The “right” words aren’t as important as an open heart and a willingness to create the space for him to let you know what he needs.

Bereaved children are aware of a teacher’s body language. A stiff posture, poor eye contact or an overly cheerful façade when you are feeling ill at ease may send a message to a child that he is somehow not O.K. He is already likely to be feeling confused, guilty and uncertain about his place in the world. He will be looking to you for reassurance and acceptance. Of course, you are shocked and saddened by the suicide. You may be feeling angry. If you find you are feeling judgmental about his parent’s death or about suicide in general, it is important to talk about those feelings with a trusted peer or someone who can support you. Your school counselor may be able to assist you.

Be sure you find someone who understands the dynamics of suicide or who has had personal experience surviving the suicide of a loved one.

You might also contact your local hospice agency and request a consultation with a bereavement counselor who is knowledgeable about the grief of children and teens. Your student needs you to welcome him back into the classroom with a caring, non-judgmental outlook, a willingness to work with him as he grieves, and the belief that he will be able to cope with this trauma.