Chapter Nine

Back to School: What Your Children’s Teachers
Need to Know

“It was almost like she read my mind sometimes when she
would ask me if I needed to talk or have a break from class. I think she will
always be someone I can talk to about things that worry me.”
---Danielle, age 12

Returning to the routine of school after a parent’s suicide is an important part of healing. School provides children with a sense of normalcy, reassuring them that life goes on, even in the face of tragedy. The timing of a child’s return varies with each child and family, but a week is a good frame of reference. Some children choose to return sooner, as they feel being with friends and the predictability of school is preferable to the confusion and sadness at home. Other children become increasingly anxious about being away from family members, and they resist returning to school. These children may need a few extra days at home or the flexibility of attending school half days for a short period of time. If your child seems exceptionally fearful about returning to school you may need to consult with a mental health professional.

You may have already heard from your child’s teacher, principal or counselor. If not, contact them and discuss your concerns. News of a suicide often finds its way into the school community, so be prepared to tackle this issue. Decide what you wish to share. You are not obligated to give details, although a simple explanation of what your children understand or have been told will be helpful to the adults who will be working with your child. Discuss when your children will return to school, and plan a time when they can meet privately with their teachers or school counselor before class begins. Teens sometimes balk at this idea, so you will need to involve them in these discussions. (For more information on helping teens get back to school, see Chapter Five – Teen Grief.)

It is important to prepare your children for what they may encounter when they return to school. Because suicide is difficult to understand, their friends may be awkward around them and not know how to offer comfort. Let your children know that their friends care about them and want to be supportive, but may not understand what it is like to have a special person die. (Refer to Chapter Three – Telling Your Child, for more information on how to help your child respond to others.)

Many educators find it difficult to help child survivors. They may have had little or no experience themselves with suicide. The rest of this chapter offers information and suggestions for school personnel. You may wish to share some or all of it with your child’s teacher or counselor.